Year ender

So I thought this was my year. The year when I'm starting the end and beginning something.. good and I thought maybe it would be the year that I will finally fall and be loved. I can't dismiss the possibility that maybe he did or still does but at this or from that point rather it became futile. I've finally killed the chances or possibilities brewing between us. I must and I had finally let myself go and search for someone else, someone worthy (I believe , maybe). I haven't found him yet but I have opened doors for other who are willing. I am actually thinking that maybe I have opened it too much that I even invited some unconsciously (though not really unwanted).

As of now I/m still uncertain if next year I may finally be able to find "him" but I am contented with my optimism and openness. I know I can't push myself towards it but I can't stop myself either. If it comes or not I'm ok.

*original date written 12/30/06